Better off
by Sukichan111
Summary: Alois had hurt me before but never this way, i trusted that little brat but who cares...I'm better off without him anyway. CielXAlois Slight Angst
1. i trusted you and you let me down

_"Alois" I whispered as I walked up the steps toward our room. I turned a corner running my hand over the railing of the stairwell. Alois and I had been dating for about 3 years now….I never really thought that it would happen…but the first time I held him in my arms I felt I'd found something truly precious for the first time._

_A smile graced my lips when I heard his laughter from behind our bedroom door. "Alois" I turned the handle and my blue eyes grew wide. A pain burned in the pit of my stomach. Alois lay beneath Claude blushing as the dark haired butler kissed up my lovers pale neck._

_Without my meaning for them to my hands covered my mouth as I shook my head. "No"…"No" and for the first time since my parents died….tears streamed down my cheeks._

_"No Ciel" the blond shot up. I turned and began running down the steps as Alois attempted to dress himself as fast as possible. I counted the flights of steps as I ran down them "one more" I whispered to myself as my foot caught the last step thrusting me to the carpet that covered the tiled floor below._

_I laid there on my stomach with my cheek against the cold tile as tears rolled across the bridge of my nose and to the floor. I'd been living here and Sebastian had stayed back with the others as I ordered….I hoped calling on him would still work. _

_"S-Sebastian" I sobbed loudly. A cool winter breeze fell over me when the front door opened…my butler smiled as he strolled in. "you called" he lifted me into his arms and wiped my tears away. Alois came running down the steps in his black shorts and half of a red kimono "Ciel"_

_"I should have known as much" My butler hissed. Is hook my head "No I wanna speak with him"_

_He let me down and walked out of the room….Claude was probably still in MY bed. I bit my lip and smacked Alois across face, the sound resounded throughout the room. He looked shocked….I didn't blame him….I'd never struck him before. _

_"What did I do wrong, Alois" I hissed._

_"Ciel" he whimpered reaching out to touch my face._

_I smacked his hand away I didn't want him to touch me…I felt wrong looking at him._

_"Ciel I love you"_

_"That's not what it looked like" I hissed holding back tears my stomach burned with pain._

_"But I.."_

_I couldn't listen to it anymore "I'm wanna go home" I yelled. Sebastian followed my orders….he took me back to my estate….away from the one I …_

_Loved so dearly and my heart broke with the silent tear that streamed down my right cheek as I lay in bed alone once again._


	2. the last time you will kiss my lips

_If it's okay  
I'll leave the bed light on  
And place your water glass where it belongs  
And if alright  
I'll lie awake at night  
Pretending I'm curled up at your side_

See I'm circling these patterns  
Living out of memories  
I'm still a long way from accepting it  
That there's just no you and me

But if I still believe you love me  
Maybe I'll survive  
So I tell myself you're coming home  
Like you've done a million times  
And if it's alright  
I'll still be loving you  
'cause I can't break it to my heart

I curled up to my pillow late at night; missing his touch, voice, smile, and kiss….I loved him so much. I still couldn't figure out what I'd done wrong…why he wanted Claude. Tears welled up in my eyes once more and I sobbed into the pillow. I could hear Sebastian talking to someone that kind of sounded like Hanna outside my door.

"I've never seen bo-chan like this" my butler said with a truly depressed tone.

"I've only ever seen him with my master and he was always happy, I know how you feel" I heard her voice clearly. I covered my ears…why…why was she tormenting me?

"I wanna talk to him" another louder voice joined their conversation. I didn't hear anyone else speak before my former lover pushed my door open and entered my darkened room.

'Ciel" he whispered crossing over to the bed "Ciel come on you know I'm scared of the dark, talk to me"

"Go" I hissed.

"No" he said in a childish tone.

I sat up so I was staring him dead in the face "what do you think this is" I hissed "you're not here because you broke a toy of mine…you're here because you freaking cheated on me you stupid whore"

He looked hurt, pain ran through his blue eyes…I didn't truly think that…I loved him…tramp or not I loved Alois Trancy. I bit my lip "sorry, that was uncalled for" I muttered.

"I'm sorry" he sobbed.

His mask of childish happiness had broken into sobs of pain. His arms flew around my neck and he sobbed into my shirt "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" I wanted so badly to hold him…to feel the void in my heart close up…to feel him.

"I love you….Ciel" he sobbed loudly once more.

"Then why'd you do it" I whispered keeping my hands away from him.

He looked up at me "awhile ago before you….I loved Claude…but he never returned my love….when you went out today I just stayed in bed waiting for you" he sniffed "and he came in to dress me… but he only undressed me and pushed me to the bed.

I raised an eyebrow at him "and you could have yelled for help and it didn't look like rape from where I was standing"

"Let me finish" I wiped his face on his sleeve "old feelings kind of…just came back and I…I slipped up I guess….please Ciel"

"I'm not a forgiving person" I muttered placing a hand on either side of his beautiful face "I'll miss you"

Again his eyes filled with tears and I pressed my lips firmly to his "that was the last time you will kiss my lips" I whispered sending him away. My own eyes had filled with tears and I didn't want him to see it. My butler sat down on my bedside "what did you want him to say"

"That it was only a misunderstanding…that he never loved Claude…that it was only me" I sobbed into the pillow.

Sebastian softly rubbed my back with his large hand. "at least he gave you the truth…he didn't lie and that means to him bo-chan you were worth the truth"


	3. working togeather

I yawned a bit as I climbed out of bed on my own for the first time in a week. I trembled when my bare feet touched the cold floor as I stumbled down the hallway my left hand resting on the wall for support.

My blue eyes shifted to the wall when my fingers touched something smooth and cold. It was a picture frame paned in solid gold. I bit my lip when I looked up at the painting…..the picture showed Alois and I hand in hand as I sat in a throne and Alois sat In my lap…he was supposed to sit in the throne next to mine for the painting but he refused.

I laughed a bit remembering what that artist must have been thinking, painting a picture of boy in another boy's lap.

I closed my blue eyes and remembered that day….last year in December

_Flashback _

_"Ciely" the blond laughed running toward me from the other end of the hall. _

_"Such a child" I muttered as his thin arms flew around me_

_"You ready to sit still for about 4 hours" the painter smiled at me._

_"Me, I'll do fine" I muttered then I looked to Alois "he's another story"_

_We climbed up into the two thrones me on the left and him on the right. I crossed my legs as our fingers laced together between us._

_"Wait" Alois chirped climbing down….he climbed up into my lap and our fingers laced together resting in his lap and he hooked his other arm around my shoulders and me free arm hooked around his waist._

_"Ready now" the man sighed….we nodded._

_In truth he couldn't sit still and the man kept yelling…but we got the picture done in the end._

Flashback over

I ran my fingers over our hands as the fingers that were locked together in the picture…."I miss you" I whispered.

"Young Master" Sebastian whispered handing me a letter. I didn't care to use a letter opener to cut the seal on it I just tore it open.

_"A few young boys have gone missing…..work with the queen's spider to help them" _I read the two sentences that I felt mattered out loud.

"The Trancys" Sebastian whispered.

I nodded….I really didn't wanna go now. Within a few hours we were packed and in the carriage heading for that estate. I looked out the window the whole time. Alois, Hanna, and Claude were all standing outside on the porch, only Alois stepped forward and climbed into the carriage taking a seat across from me.

"You never come to help us when your asked" I hissed "so why now"

"I wanted to talk to you Ciel" he whispered.

"I bet" I muttered.

He reached across and covered my hand with his "I miss you Ciel"

"I don't miss you" I lied.

"You can't lie to me" he tilted his head to the side in a cute manor.

'You're not all that innocent" I hissed.

"Neither are you Ciel"

I rolled my eyes…."just shut up"

My eyes grew wide when a rough bump sent me flying into Alois's lap. I clang to him like I child would cling to its mother when near a stranger. He chuckled lightly and held me close "we just hit a pitiful animal or something, you're ok"

I nodded still shaking.

"I'll go check it out" My butler smiled as he stepped out of the carriage. "Let me go Alois" I muttered "I'm not scared anymore"

"Depends Ciel, will you be nicer the rest of this trip, I don't want to deal with your attitude for the next 3 days" he smiled a childish smile.

"Stupid kid" I hissed.

"Your younger than me" he stuck his tongue out in yet another childish attempt to aggravate me.

"Fine" I scoffed.

He pecked my cheek and I shrank back into my seat.

I crossed my arms and huddled up into a ball. He said I had to stop being mean…so I'll just avoid any kind of contact with that stupid 4 year old trapped in a 14 year olds body….such a stupid kid…such a child. He's scared if the dark, scared to be alone….scared to lose…scared to show weakness…just scared of everything…

"Young Master, you're scared of many things as well" my butler smiled sitting down next to me. I was beginning to hate him for reading my thoughts all the time "shut up" I hissed.

We came to a nice little town. It wasn't cramped or weather beaten…it was kind of pretty. Sebastian got out first and helped me to get out. Alois on the other hand just jumped down laughing like the moron I keep trying to tell myself he is.

"You too can go search out the forest for the boys or for some kind of clue and I'll go get interviews and suspects' Sebastian smiled and then he was off.


	4. the truth

I walked a little bit ahead of him as it grew darker…we'd been in these stupid woods all day long and hadn't found a single thing. I felt Alois's hand as it clang to my sleeve 'what" I hissed.

"Its d-dark" he whimpered.

"So" I tried to shake his hand off. He just clang to my sleeve.

"Ciel, I'm so sorry" he whispered "I haven't slept in weeks…I see you cry and hear your anger every time I close my eyes….your all I think about…every time I look in the mirror I see your face" his eyes were tear filled now.

I bit my lip…don't forgive him…don't…don't…don't….dont…

"Stop your pathetic cries" I muttered but my voice cracked when I spoke…I didn't think he was pathetic….I understood how he felt, alone and weak.

I sighed and muttered "if clinging to my sleeve in such an annoying manor will make you feel better, then go on"

He smiled a soft smile and whispered "Thank you Ciel"

He wasn't one for thanking anyone….a smile graced my lips when I found the smile in his blue eyes…my god he's beautiful. I found myself placing a hand over the hand that clang to my sleeve as I walked. His skin was warm and soft and I missed his hugs and kisses. "Ciel" he whispered.

I raised an eyebrow at him and he muttered softly "do you miss me"

I bit my lower lip wanting so badly to lie to him….for my prides sake but over time Alois had become more to me then my pride and so all I could do was swallow my pride and say "yes…"

A smile graced his lips, not a smirk, a smile, a real smile. With a light tug of his hand he pulled me toward him and I felt his soft lips against mine. My heart kicked rapidly against my chest and I felt my cheeks grow warm. I began to return his kiss.

It was warm and felt right but then the day I'd found my lover in the arms of another came flying back at me and the taste that I once knew and loved became so distant. I jerked away and bit my lower lip until it bled. I turned and began running back toward the carriage. It was raining and my legs hurt but I kept running.

Alois was running behind me. He'd never had a problem keeping up with me; the boy hadn't always been a noble so he still had the ability run like a thief from guards. His hand grasped my arm turning me around and knocking us both to the rocking ground. I went to move but he pinned my hands up above my head.

"Let go you filthy dog" I hissed.

"No" the blond whispered breathing a bit heavy.

"Why won't you just leave me alone" I yelled.

"I love you" he said quietly.

I shook my head "that didn't stop you…"

He rolled his eyes "I know I hurt you, I never meant to but Ciel, I do love you. Please try to understand….if Sebastian were to kiss you again I think you'd kiss back"

I looked up at him and realized that….he was right. I would kiss Sebastian back if he ever kissed me again because I used to love him and those feelings will never completely go away.

I tugged one hand free and cupped his cheek with it "I love you Alois but i…"

He smiled softly "I swear Ciel, never again" his eyes were filled with sincerity and truth.

I smiled "ok" normally I'm not a forgiving person but if you can't be forgiving for your lover who can you be forgiving for?

I wrapped my arms around his neck and he lowered his body down onto mine and began to kiss back softly. I slowly trailed my fingers up his purple jacket sleeve that was soaked with rain water.

It was kind of weird we walked all over that town and all over the forest and nobody had even heard of any boys gone missing. Alois had gone to sleep with his head in my lap in the carriage. "So he'll be staying with us tonight" my butler smiled form the seat across from us. I nodded "yeah"

"At least you forgave him" Sebastian said softly.

"You…" I pulled the 'queens' letter from my pocket, carful not wake my sleeping lover. "This is Hanna's hand writing and" my eyes skimmed down the paper until I came to '_good luck young master'_

"How could I have missed that" I muttered annoyed.

"Hanna and I wrote it in hopes that working with his highness you'd forgive him, it truly hurt both Hanna and me to see our young masters so hurt and upset."

"So no one's missing and you brought me here so we'd make up" I growled.

Sebastian nodded with a smile 'it looks to have worked"

"I'm grateful" I muttered trialing my fingers down my lovers cheek "You may have one thing of your choosing as a reward for helping me"

He grinned as visions of little kittens danced across his vision.

I snapped my fingers in front of his face and he just stayed in lala land.

"Great" I muttered 'I should have known it'd be a cat, CATS FOR YOU IS LIKE CLAUDE WITH CHILDREN" I hissed loudly. Alois's hand moved up over my mouth "sleep now love, I plan to show how much more I love you then Claude as soon as we get home"


End file.
